What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
