You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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