I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
