I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
