my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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