I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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