anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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