chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
