I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
