I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
