I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
