under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
