I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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