Yo dont text me then not text me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
