4 words: hood of his car
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
