Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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