69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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