i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
