a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
