I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
