Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
