be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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