Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
