omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
