Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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