I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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