The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
