I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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