I cannot find my penis.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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