She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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