yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
