The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
