One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
