my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
