Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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