OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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