I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
