they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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