I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
