I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
