Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am

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  (201): She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am http://tfl.nu/vk3v
  Replies (20) Good night (4102) Bad night (860)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

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  (808): Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger. http://tfl.nu/99q6
  Replies (8) Good night (1455) Bad night (4152)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.

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  (630): my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out. http://tfl.nu/fs1q
  Replies (15) Good night (1272) Bad night (4744)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions

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  (206): weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/qwf5
  Replies (12) Good night (5583) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...

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  (803): Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together... http://tfl.nu/duna
  Replies (76) Good night (2325) Bad night (6733)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.

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  (813): were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes. http://tfl.nu/3m35
  Replies (20) Good night (4985) Bad night (1368)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.

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  (406): Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick. http://tfl.nu/xla1
  Replies (6) Good night (2018) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess

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  (215): before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess http://tfl.nu/dqew
  Replies (15) Good night (1978) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Elaborate

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Strip Mario-Kart

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  (224): My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream. (312): Elaborate (224): Strip Mario-Kart http://tfl.nu/xw36
  Replies (11) Good night (2689) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.

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  (207): I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me. http://tfl.nu/zr5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1424) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.

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  (609): Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka. http://tfl.nu/ktyc
  Replies (4) Good night (1187) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee

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  (603): I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee http://tfl.nu/okty
  Replies (1) Good night (615) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....

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  (775): Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW.... http://tfl.nu/zpmo
  Replies (6) Good night (1231) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.

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  (330): I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night. http://tfl.nu/a30e
  Replies (0) Good night (798) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees

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  (702): God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees http://tfl.nu/4nsz
  Replies (3) Good night (302) Bad night (525)

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