TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.