My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?