This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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