Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40864) Bad night (1739)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.

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  (250): Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap. http://tfl.nu/f3x1
  Replies (60) Good night (817) Bad night (17974)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.

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  (773): It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse. http://tfl.nu/a75v
  Replies (8) Good night (2787) Bad night (1358)
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  (619): View more from California

  on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.

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  (619): on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed. http://tfl.nu/fpfi
  Replies (6) Good night (3112) Bad night (1160)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton

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  (860): I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton http://tfl.nu/cmqr
  Replies (2) Good night (3368) Bad night (848)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

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  (605): If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/jp0c
  Replies (2) Good night (2828) Bad night (724)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday

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  (406): you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday http://tfl.nu/fxk1
  Replies (4) Good night (702) Bad night (1383)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day

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  (780): Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day http://tfl.nu/bjmm
  Replies (2) Good night (961) Bad night (533)
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  (916): View more from California

  Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable

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  (916): Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/5q9j
  Replies (5) Good night (763) Bad night (1137)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover

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  (231): Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover http://tfl.nu/r5rk
  Replies (5) Good night (825) Bad night (419)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to

  (302): View more from Delaware

  yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich

  (302): View more from Delaware

  wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in

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  (603): I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to (302): yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich (302): wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in http://tfl.nu/z48g
  Replies (9) Good night (673) Bad night (328)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.

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  (785): Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want. http://tfl.nu/2jiy
  Replies (3) Good night (853) Bad night (244)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.

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  (801): Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going. http://tfl.nu/a1o5
  Replies (5) Good night (864) Bad night (453)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.

  (206): View more from Washington

  WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN

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  (702): All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze. (206): WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN http://tfl.nu/b6xg
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (253)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.

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  (417): I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana. http://tfl.nu/djzp
  Replies (0) Good night (264) Bad night (451)

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