She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
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saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace