Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.