i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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