Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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