she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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