She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
