just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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