I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
