sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
