You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
