Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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