i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
