holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
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I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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