I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
