"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
