Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
