I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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