I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
