Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
