My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
