am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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