you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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