if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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