So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish i was in the wii world.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
