ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that