I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.