your parents love me but you hate me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.