Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!